robotsatthedisco

One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)

Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.

Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.

Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.

Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)

Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.

Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.

Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.

Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.

Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Love, Dad.

Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love” (via kushandwizdom)

HOLY SHIT YES MY FUCKING MANTRA IN TEN STEPS.

(via happybythree)
pisteuo-the-guardie
dropdeadesu:

Hey guys!! While my other giveaway is still going until June, due to a url change and an increase in followers I’ve decided to make another!! Prizes and rules are listed below -
Circle Lenses
Any single pair of colored contacts under $25 from reputable site www.pinkyparadise.com

Music!
$25 in iTunes gift card (if you don’t have itunes/apple, I’ll substitute this for another gift card or something of sorts - we can work it out!)
Swag
I’ve been working on making items to sell in conventions, such as buttons and keychains. I’m primarily working on danganronpa, kill la kill, puella magi madoka magica, and vocaloids. The keychains will be similar to the picture below (as soon as I get keychains painted I will add pictures)

*Note: Keychains will be small characters from each fandom because this style/size is easiest to cut. They will be made of light metals
Nendroid Figures
I’ve gotten into figure collecting recently, and accidentally bought a few that friends have gotten me as gifts haha;; so I’ll be giving away the following figures below


(i love the kagamine twins, they’re an awesome default gift for me ahh~)
and last but not least….

A 16gb 5th Generation iPod Touch
I’ve never been a big apple fan, but for Christmas I got an iPod. Since I’m due for an upgrade on my phone soon, I’ve decided to get an iPhone, meaning I won’t have any use for an iPod as well. I’ll be giving it away. It’s silver in color, I’ll wipe everything off of it before I send it.
RULES 
must be following me (I will check)
reblog is 3 entries, likes are 1 entry
Please do not spam your followers - so long as you do this there are no rules/limitations on reblogs
I will randomly choose the winners from one of those awesome random sites
please keep your ask box open so I have a way to contact you, or try and make arrangements with me
please keep an eye out for any other notes I make.
For extra entries please follow x, x, x, x
Giveaway will go until October 1st. I will get into contact with the winners then!!
Best of luck!!

dropdeadesu:

Hey guys!! While my other giveaway is still going until June, due to a url change and an increase in followers I’ve decided to make another!! Prizes and rules are listed below -

  • Circle Lenses

Any single pair of colored contacts under $25 from reputable site www.pinkyparadise.com

  • Music!

$25 in iTunes gift card (if you don’t have itunes/apple, I’ll substitute this for another gift card or something of sorts - we can work it out!)

  • Swag

I’ve been working on making items to sell in conventions, such as buttons and keychains. I’m primarily working on danganronpa, kill la kill, puella magi madoka magica, and vocaloids. The keychains will be similar to the picture below (as soon as I get keychains painted I will add pictures)

*Note: Keychains will be small characters from each fandom because this style/size is easiest to cut. They will be made of light metals

  • Nendroid Figures

I’ve gotten into figure collecting recently, and accidentally bought a few that friends have gotten me as gifts haha;; so I’ll be giving away the following figures below

(i love the kagamine twins, they’re an awesome default gift for me ahh~)

and last but not least….

A 16gb 5th Generation iPod Touch

I’ve never been a big apple fan, but for Christmas I got an iPod. Since I’m due for an upgrade on my phone soon, I’ve decided to get an iPhone, meaning I won’t have any use for an iPod as well. I’ll be giving it away. It’s silver in color, I’ll wipe everything off of it before I send it.

RULES

  • must be following me (I will check)
  • reblog is 3 entries, likes are 1 entry
  • Please do not spam your followers - so long as you do this there are no rules/limitations on reblogs
  • I will randomly choose the winners from one of those awesome random sites
  • please keep your ask box open so I have a way to contact you, or try and make arrangements with me
  • please keep an eye out for any other notes I make.

For extra entries please follow x, x, x, x

Giveaway will go until October 1st. I will get into contact with the winners then!!

Best of luck!!

parkingstrange
parkingstrange:

mrsdwight:

adkkk:

byemeghan:

My weight loss story: I’m Meghan and I lost 20 pounds in 4 weeks using this new cleanse my best friend recommended. I’ve been eating the exact same way as before and I lost 20 pounds. My metabolism is faster than Usain Bolt now. The other thing I like about the cleanse is it’s 100% organic, and helps remove bad toxins from your body. If you’re somebody struggling to lose weight, I would highly recommend giving this a try. I have yet to see anything else that works like it. Tip: you can get a free bottle (and only pay like $4 for shipping) if you order now because of some sort of summer special. I got my bottle free thanks to the summer deal which is crazy cause I’ve spent more on weight loss products in the past that flat out did not work. Good luck to everyone trying to lose weight!

thank you for recommending the cleanse! figured i’d give it a try and just got my free bottle thanks to their summer special, btw congrats on your progress you look fucking fab!!


YOU GO GIRL


Okay so I ordered ours yesterday, I’m really scared and excited, I really hope it works!

parkingstrange:

mrsdwight:

adkkk:

byemeghan:

My weight loss story: I’m Meghan and I lost 20 pounds in 4 weeks using this new cleanse my best friend recommended. I’ve been eating the exact same way as before and I lost 20 pounds. My metabolism is faster than Usain Bolt now. The other thing I like about the cleanse is it’s 100% organic, and helps remove bad toxins from your body. If you’re somebody struggling to lose weight, I would highly recommend giving this a try. I have yet to see anything else that works like it. Tip: you can get a free bottle (and only pay like $4 for shipping) if you order now because of some sort of summer special. I got my bottle free thanks to the summer deal which is crazy cause I’ve spent more on weight loss products in the past that flat out did not work. Good luck to everyone trying to lose weight!

thank you for recommending the cleanse! figured i’d give it a try and just got my free bottle thanks to their summer special, btw congrats on your progress you look fucking fab!!

YOU GO GIRL

Okay so I ordered ours yesterday, I’m really scared and excited, I really hope it works!

more-exclamation-marks

subbysarie:

thebrokenheartedthatstillsing:

maxkirin:

"This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals—sounds that say listen to this, it is important.” - Gary Provost

Reading this was so satisfying woah

WRITING!

vellophone

manlynekos:

headbangingmidget:

actual Japanese people: It’s OK to speak Japanese! It’s OK to wear kimono! You can do that if you’re not Japanese! That makes me proud as a Japanese person!

white people: NO YOU CAN’T WEAR KIMONO IF YOU’RE NOT JAPANESE AND YOU CAN’T SPEAK JAPANESE IF YOU’RE NOT JAPANESE

Japanese people are so prideful when foreigners attempt their language, or do cultural things. Many of them are very excited to do those things with you and show you things about Japan.

People don’t realize that in Japan, most of the population is not exposed to foreigners, so when they are, some of them get very happy to show them around. It’s fascinating for many of them to see people envelope themselves into the culture when they aren’t a part of it.

Of course, this does not mean EVERYONE is — I mean, there are a couple of bad eggs (that I have come across while in Japan), but many of them are chill. Sometimes people even come up to randomly, seeing as you are foreign, just to see if you’ll talk to them in English and/or Japanese.

And as for people outside of Japan getting involved in Japanese things, I’m sure no one looks at it like, “that is horrible. They are shameful to Japan.” No. No Japanese person thinks that way. That’s like saying they can’t like American music. Like get real. :P